


Becoming Joined

by brightlikeloulou



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Rick Grimes, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Gay Daryl Dixon, Getting Together, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:14:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29052699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brightlikeloulou/pseuds/brightlikeloulou
Summary: Rick Grimes had never intended to fall in love with Daryl Dixon, but he never regretted it when he did just that.
Relationships: Daryl Dixon/Rick Grimes, Past Lori Grimes/Rick Grimes - Relationship
Comments: 4
Kudos: 71





	Becoming Joined

**Author's Note:**

> reupload of my deleted fic
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING!  
> The sexual assault that Carl suffers during season 4 ep 16, is mentioned in this work.

Rick Grimes had never intended to fall in love with Daryl Dixon, but he never regretted it when he did just that.

The first time he had thought about the hunter, he was filled with dread and guilt. He had just left his brother to die, and he had to be the one to tell him. Rick hadn't been in the new world for very long at that time, but it was long enough for him to realise that family was more precious than ever, his own longing for his wife and son accentuated that.

He remembered what he had felt like when he saw them at that moment, shocked, overjoyed, overwhelmed. When he fell the ground, his son in his arms, he thought _This is what I need to make it in this world. I have my boy; I'm going to be okay._

He remembered feeling Lori in his arms then too. Her body slim and shrinking into his, her panting against his neck. He remembered that though he was, of course, relieved to see her alive, it wasn't like seeing Carl, because Rick knew he needed Carl, but he hadn't needed Lori in a long time. There was a part of him that still loved her, she was the mother of his child, his first and only love at that point in his life, he would always love her, but neither of them had been happy for a long time. Not with each other at least. They hadn’t been _in love_ for a long time.

Neither of them was blind to this. They had started drifting from one another when Carl was around six. Their love, as passionate as it once was, wasn't made to last. But their mutual love for their son? That would burn until they were both six-foot underground.

That was why they stayed together, why they didn't divorce. Though they had never talked about it, they both put their own happiness behind them, the belief that Carl would be better off with both his parents in one the one home.

Back then, Rick had never thought that seeing both of his parents happy, really would have been better for Carl.

There were always going to be things Rick regretted, but there was nothing he could do to fix it, so he'd forced himself to move on.

This was tested to its limits when Lori died giving birth to Judith. It wasn't long after he reached the Atlanta Quarry camp that he realised Lori and Shane had become something while they both thought he was dead, and though he was mad at first, not loving Lori like he used to made moving on easier.

When Judith was born, and Lori was gone, he damn well near lost his mind. He knew that she wasn't his, and that killed him, but then he’d met her, and he decided that he didn't give a fuck about biology, because she was his baby girl.

Rick and Daryl's first meeting was nothing near romantic. Rick's emotions were still running high from his reunion with his wife and son, and soon, Daryl's were too as he had been informed of what Rick had done to his brother.

Rick so badly just wanted to scream at him that he was sorry, but he knew that would do nothing to calm the raging man in front of him, all red-faced and trembling. Rick had glanced over at his son, found him tucked under Lori's arm, and he decided that he would be going back for Merle Dixon.

When Lori had died, it was clear to everyone that Rick needed some time, and they had given it to him. Rick had spent most of the prison months working in his garden and with his animals, and spending time with his children because god forbid something would happen to them.

Carl adjusted better than Rick did really, and Rick knew that he wouldn't have made it through without his son right there with him. Back then, whenever Rick thought of that Carl had been the one to put Lori down, it sent pain and nausea through him knowing that his son had to be strong like that because he wasn't there.

At that point, Rick's romantic love for Lori had been long gone, but she was the mother of his children, so the sorrow for her was still heart-wrenching.

It was around month three at the prison that Rick finally felt settled, that he felt okay. He and Daryl had been close for months by that time, companions, friends, ever since they had left Hershel's farm before winter had arrived.

He’d watched Daryl those winter months they had spent on the road, he had known since the man's desperate search for Sophia, that he was indeed a good, selfless man, but there was something about how he every night without fail, gave half of his meal to Lori and Carl, that made Rick begin to realise this man was extremely important to him. That he loved him. But back then, he hadn't understood what kind of love it was.

It was in month three of being at the prison that his mind had slowly begun the process of understanding. It had been jumpstarted on that day that Daryl had been leaving for a run and he’d petted Rick's stomach as a goodbye. They had touched before, but those touches were different, accidental brushes of shoulders or arms when walking by one another, or fingers brushing together when handing each other things. Rick had touched Daryl in affectionate ways before, a hand petting his shoulder or back, but Daryl hadn't been the one to initiate it, ever.

There had been a jolt of butterflies in Rick's stomach as soon as Daryl's hand made contact with his body, and after Daryl had driven away on his bike, Rick watched until he couldn't see him anymore.

* * *

It was another month or so after that that it had finally clicked for Rick what he was really feeling. It was sunset, and Rick had been making his way from guard duty when he had spotted Daryl a little way off, sat in the grass and had decided to join him. Only when he got closer did he see the squirming ball of pink in Daryl's lap that was his daughter.

Neither of them had said anything when Rick sat down on the lush green beside the other man, wordlessly he reached over and stroked Judith's cheek.

"She was bein' fussy. Figured she might like some fresh air," Daryl told him finally after several moments of silence.

Rick watched him almost transfixed. Golden hour was casting gorgeous colours over Daryl's face, a slight dusting of sweat on his brows and neck with a smear of dirt on his cheek. Daryl turned to face him after several moments without Rick replying had passed, and Rick saw it. He saw the flash of nerves and fear on Daryl's face like the man thought that he shouldn't have done it, that he should've left Judith with Beth. As Rick had stared into his eyes, eyes he had never realised until then were such a pretty shade of blue, he understood what he had been feeling.

_I can’t make it without you. I think I love you differently than I thought I did._

"Thank you," Rick finally replied, and he watched as the relief flooded over Daryl's face, his fingers tapping against Judith's tummy.

They didn't speak after that, Daryl was too relaxed with Judith, but Rick was the opposite. His mind was swimming with what he had just discovered. Rick had known he was bisexual for a few years, one or two before the outbreak, but he had never done anything to satisfy his desires for being with a man because he was faithful to Lori.

While Daryl watched the sunset with Judith falling asleep against his belly, Rick watched him. Rick was wondering if Daryl even liked men, and if he did, if he would even want Rick. Mostly, Rick wondered as to whether he could be ready to be in a relationship.

Daryl had stood up a few minutes later, holding Judith carefully and holding out a hand to help Rick up, smiling warmly at him as he did. Rick couldn't help it and smiled back, very rarely did Daryl smile like that, and Rick being the reason, made his cheeks flush red as Daryl pulled him up.

They made their way back up the field slowly, neither of them was in a rush. The two of them walked side by side, shoulders right against each other's and brushing almost constantly, Rick surprised himself with how much he had wanted to reach over and thread his fingers through Daryl's.

* * *

He and Daryl seemed to get impossibly closer after that, spending time on runs together when Rick had felt ready to go on them again finally. The first time he had decided to go outside of the prison walls again, Daryl had insisted he needed to go with him. Being honest, Rick had felt touched with how much the other man had wanted to keep an eye on him, to protect him. Rick wanted Daryl to know that he would have done the same for him, but he couldn't think of a way to tell him.

They'd spend watches together, exchanging secrets and stories of their pasts as they stared out at the surrounding woods. They'd play cards a lot too, Daryl teaching Rick games he used to play with his brother, and the two of them would argue about whether Rick was cheating or not, (he always was).

There had been one time up in the watchtower, they were sitting outside on the ledge so Daryl could have a smoke without stuffing up the room. He had handed the cigarette to Rick at one point, and he’d laughed when Rick took a drag and then coughed and sputtered for several moments. Though the laughing was at his expense, Rick didn't mind because hearing Daryl laugh loudly and freely, was one of the most beautiful things he had ever heard. Rick had managed to zone out and watched Daryl long after he had finished laughing, he remembered how Daryl had a looked at him a little confused, but his cheeks red with a blush.

By the time the sun had gone down that night, Rick and Daryl were sat right beside each other, and Daryl had fallen asleep, his body turned towards Rick with his head on his shoulder and one of his legs resting against his thigh. Rick had remained stiff for a long in fear of waking the man up, because hell, did he need the sleep, Rick swears if the man ever sleeps at all, it's not more than three hours at a time.

Daryl had started to shiver, and Rick had wrapped his arm around Daryl's back and pulled him just a little closer. He had told himself it was because he wanted to keep him warm, and while that was true, Rick really just wanted to hold the man in his arms.

He was able to for over an hour and a half before he woke, but even when he awoke, Daryl had looked up at Rick confused, shifting awkwardly against him while Rick explained that he was shivering. Rick was taken very much by surprise when Daryl had eventually just grunted and then fell into Rick again, not at all minding that his arm was still around him.

Then the prison fell, and the relationship that Rick was sure was building, was put on hold. He was on the road again, believing that all he had left was his son, that his daughter and the rest of his family was probably dead. That Daryl was probably dead. The thought was so incredibly painful, out of three things Rick believed he needed to stay alive, Carl, Judith, and Daryl, he only had one.

One night when he and Carl were taking shelter in a house they had cleared, after making sure Carl was safely asleep and kissing his forehead, he made his way to the house's bathroom and locked himself inside. And he cried, he cried for hours for all the people he had just lost, for his sweet daughter, for his sweet Daryl.

It was in that bathroom that he fully understood that he didn't just have feelings for Daryl, he accepted that he was entirely in love with him.

* * *

His reunion with Daryl wasn't how he ever would have expected it to be.

Rick had a gun to his head, and he Michonne and Carl, were surrounded by the group they had run into previously.

He had watched as Daryl emerged from the shadows, his face filled with the shock of seeing Rick, and fear for the men currently surrounding him and Michonne. Rick had wanted to scream no as Daryl had told the men to hurt him instead, and they did, they threw him to the ground and proceeded to beat him, and anger flared so violently in Rick's stomach.

Then Carl had been pulled from the car and shoved to the ground, and Rick had let out a noise so animalistic it was barely human as a man crawled on top of his son and began reaching for his belt.

That was when Rick acted, his son had gone through too much, already being sexually assaulted in front of him, and Rick was not about to let it go further where he would be raped. Daryl too brave, selfless and compassionate for Rick to let him die for him.

Ripping a man's throat out with his teeth, was not something that Rick ever regretted.

Once the claimers were dead, Michonne took Carl into the car and helped him get to sleep while Rick and Daryl stayed outside.

Rick had shaken his head when Daryl had begun explaining while he was with the claimers, it was not his fault, he wasn't with them by choice, he knew the kind of people they were and that trying to leave them would be dangerous, but he didn’t know they were _like that._

They were quiet as Rick cleaned the blood from his face using the rag Daryl had handed him.

Once his face was clean, Rick handed the rag back to Daryl and sighed heavily, a sigh filled with pain.

When Daryl's hand had landed on his knee and rubbed, Rick had squeezed his eyes closed to try and stop his own tears as he shifted down, he pillowed his head on Daryl's broad shoulder. He could feel how stiff and tense Daryl felt, but neither of them moved.

* * *

After being at Alexandria for a few months, Rick thought, _Soon, we must be getting together soon._ The signs were there, it had become clear to Rick that Daryl also had feelings for him a few months back. They were still on the road at that point, and Rick was about to do something stupid, put himself at risk when he didn't need to. Daryl had said to him, that he needed him, that he'd lost too many people and he wouldn't be able to take Rick being one of them.

The affection was constant between them, touching shoulders, arms, backs, and hugs goodbye.

Rick could even see the bonding that was occurring between Carl and Daryl, he remembered how his heart had surged when he entered the backyard of the house that he stayed in with Carl, Judith and even Daryl who had converted the attic into his bedroom, and found Daryl in the backyard with his kids, Judith playing on a picnic blanket and Daryl was stood behind Carl who was aiming Daryl's crossbow at the target painted onto the tree.

Rick had smiled wide, he had heard Carl begging Daryl to teach him to shoot his crossbow ever since they were at the prison, and it seemed that Daryl has finally given in.

Rick savoured those short couple of months of comfortable domesticity in Alexandria, his family healthy and safe around him. But then The Saviors had made their presence known.

* * *

Not being the one to save Daryl and taking far too long to realise they couldn't live under Negan's control, is something he regrets.

He walked up to Daryl slowly, really it had only been a week since Negan had taken him, but it had seemed like months. Daryl had nodded at him, his body stiff as he had tried to remain strong. The lump in Rick's throat felt like the size of a boulder, and the sting in his eyes was almost too much to hold back as Daryl collapsed into him and they wrapped their arms around each other.

Rick had held Daryl as tightly as possible as he whispered apologies into Daryl's ear, Daryl didn't say anything, but he didn't need to, he wasn't mad, he was just overwhelmed, Rick knows him.

The war was hard, and it was full of pain and loss, but they won. The Saviors were defeated, and Negan was killed.

Rebuilding the communities, and Daryl's own inner trauma from his torture, once again Daryl and Rick beginning their romantic relationship on hold.

It was about eight months after the war when Daryl walked into Rick's kitchen after having spent the last couple of weeks at The Hilltop. It was somewhat late, around nine and Rick and the kids had just finished dinner, and he was washing up when he heard soft footsteps coming down the hall.

Rick had smiled wide at the sight of seeing Daryl again, he was far too aware of how much he had missed him.

"Hey,” Daryl had greeted him, “Can I stay for a while?” he then asked, voice quiet and nervous. To Rick, there was something incredibly precious about how the man was barefoot and obviously sleepy.

"Of course," Rick had replied as he quickly dried his hands before making his way to Daryl.

He held his arms out when he was close enough, and Daryl fell into them for a hug. Rick sighed against Daryl's neck as he rubbed the man's lower back. He inhaled his scent and closed his eyes at it, he smelled of car oil, smoke, and sweat, though others may have found it unpleasant, to Rick it was just perfect.

They hugged for a long time before Rick was the one to shift back, deciding that now is the time. He and Daryl's eyes met for just a few moments before Rick is licked his lips and they were leaning into one another.

Their lips pressed together, and Rick felt like his entire life had finally come together. It only took a few moments for the kiss to deepen, and Rick moved his hands from Daryl's back to cup his face instead, and he traced his thumbs over the man's sharp cheekbones. Daryl's hands reached Rick's hips after a while, and he pulled him closer.

Rick was a little confused when Daryl suddenly pulled back, but then he smiled widely when he watched the other man hide his face in the crook of his elbow as he yawned widely and loudly.

Rick laughed fondly and grabbed Daryl's hips, he pulled him back to him to peck his lips before he wrapped an arm around his waist.

"I think you should get in the shower and then head to bed," Rick told him, and Daryl grunted, leaning against Rick as they made their way up the stairs, "You can go into my room if you'd like," he offered, and after seeming to think it over for a few seconds, Daryl nodded.

While Daryl went into his bedroom to shower and change into the sweats and t-shirt Rick had handed to him, Rick wandered down the hall to check on his kids.

He checked on Judith who was fast asleep and curled up holding the stuffed bear that Daryl had found for her a few months back, and he found Carl in his room, but still awake and reading. Rick kissed his head and told him not to stay up too late before he headed back to his room.

The ensuite door was still closed, and he could hear the shower still running from inside, so Rick pulled his shirt off as he always did and then climbed into his bed.

He read the novel on his nightstand for the next few minutes, and then put it away when Daryl stepped out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. Rick smiled at him, eyes running up and down his body, the clothes that Rick had lent him fit well enough, but the sweats are a little snug on his thighs and the shirt tight on his shoulders.

"Feel better?" Rick asked, trying to ignore the butterflies in his stomach as he watched Daryl dump his clothes into the hamper in the corner of the room.

Daryl grunts as he turned to face him again, standing awkwardly still for several moments before Rick pulled the covers back and patted the mattress beside him, Daryl then made his way over. "Just tired. Been a lot of work at The Hilltop," he told Rick as he climbed onto the bed, settling onto his back with his arm under his head.

Rick hummed and rolled onto his side to face the other man, his heart and stomach screaming with the excitement of having Daryl in his clothes and in his bed.

"Well, you're here now," Rick said, reaching over and he wrapped his arm around Daryl's shoulders. "Get some rest."

Daryl hummed gently and moved closer to Rick nervously, pushing his face into his chest.

Rick smiled and held him tightly, he pressed his lips to the top of Daryl's head and then closed his own eyes.

"I have waited so long for this, Daryl," Rick finally whispered, knowing that the slightly older man was still awake.

He felt Daryl's lips twitch against his bare chest, and he couldn't help himself from stroking his hair.

"Think we needed to wait, let it play out how it was gonna," Daryl replied after being silent for several moments.

Rick nodded at Daryl's words, rolling them around in his head. "I love you so much," He said, the words have been on his chest for song long that Rick just needed to get them off his chest, "And you were damn well worth waiting for."

There was a soft chuckle against his chest, and then Daryl was looking up at him. "I love you," Daryl replied, a small smile was on his lips, and his eyes were still ridiculously blue and so sleepy.

Rick leaned down and kissed him again, and he never wanted to stop.

They fell asleep not long after that, their arms wrapped tightly around each other and their faces peaceful.

And in the morning, when Carl went searching for his father to tell him he was going to take Judith for a walk, he smiled ridiculously wide when he opened his bedroom door and found him still fast asleep, and Daryl curled up on his chest.

"About time," He whispered to himself as he closed the door again, deciding to just leave a note instead of waking either of them up.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!


End file.
